Day 274: I do believe

I believe in keeping a promise
Until the day that you die
And I believe in being honest
Over hiding in a lie

Day 273: Injustice League

You gave him the best years of your life
Gave up your career trying to be a good wife
Gave up partying with friends, sitting with him instead
Every night as he got drunk passing out on the bed
And You don't think he's controlling, he's just trying to protect you
Which is why you chose to lie about the bruises after he decks you
Falling down the stairs doesn't give you a black eye
But with enough cover up you start to buy the lie
And your friends have been telling you that you should move on
But you've been rooted in polluted putrid relationshit too long
When you finally wake up, when enough is too much to stand
You wonder how you could handle ever being touched again
Years of therapy down the road a protected heart that's stone cold
And broken pieces barely held together by elmer's glue
This is your ticket to

To everyone with broken hearts
Who will never love again
Welcome to injustice league
Complete with vengeful super friends
We got what you need
Stay a while, come inside
We all have the exact same scars
But here we don't need to hide

Day 272: I've Seen enough to know

I've seen enough to know
That I've seen enough and It's more than I can hold
This world is full hate
And I can't trust a heart that's turned to stone
When I'm trying to keep from folding
While the wild storms keep on blowing
The windows of my glass house out
The shards are covering the floor and
I've found out this one secret
Trust no one die lonesome
Better at the hands of a stranger
Than the loaded gun your best friend's holding

Day 271: Words Like Leaves v 1

I keep your words in my pocket
On a folded paper piece
When I'm down I pull it out
And read it a few times silently
I laugh when I realize
You probably already forgot them
Probably never meant to drop them
Thought you lost them like leaves in autumn
But I watched them drop
Picked them up dried them out
And I recited them in my room
Until my muscles memorized my mouth
I left them pressed between the pages
Of my life's story
The weight of whats after atop
And the weight below of what's before me
And I hung those fresh pressed words
Above my bed and read silently
Until my eyes grew too heavy to hold
And I drifted off to sleep
Where I dreamed in words I never spoke
Until I thought in calligraphy
Until the echo's of your voice
Bounced back sounding like me
And I believed everything
The cave walls echoed back
And the darkness of the underground
Began to break and crack
The light's rays poured through
Chasing shade away
Illuminating the dark space
And suddenly I wasn't afraid

Day 270: Pieces of my heart

When you left me months ago
You took pieces of me
Leaving me clutching helplessly
At a hollow chest cavity

For all the world to see
The scars are works of art
The body rebuilding what you took away
The pieces of my heart



getting ahead finally.... from 5 days late to two hours early

Day 269: The Letter For My Past

I thought about this letter long before I put the pen to paper
I'd sit down to write it freak out and try to finish it later
Or sit on the couch in an attempt to forget that it rested incomplete
At the nightstand next to my bed staring at me as I tried to sleep
When I finally wrote a line I started back from scratch
I crumpled it up and threw in in the trash, and then later went back
And tried to smooth the creases
Hoping they didn't form a map detailing the completeness of my weakness
Curled up like a fetus I've been running out of ink
Because I draw out all my feelings for a moment to think
I inject it in my veins hoping that it reaches my brain
So I can get some clarity to these dreams in water color paint
And all the colors shifted
The edges blurred beyond recognition my notes to self come out encrypted
And I fear the permanence of the words that I write
Will make real the nightmares that haunt me throughout the night
Flashbacks to days when you crippled me to my core
When you used me and abused me as your emotional whore
Who would be through the night who ever you wanted me to be
And when the morning came you'd kick be back out onto the street
And while you took me in you ravaged my heart
Using the words "I love you" to tear me apart
And even though it was years ago it still ripples through my life
Causing me to cower at the emotional advances of my wife
And the echos of your voice bounce from dark corners in the house
As I drink myself to sleep trying to drown the sound out
Because I don't have the courage to tell you what I think
To tell you I deserved better than how you treated me
When I finally wrote the letter I folded it with care
I addressed it to myself and left it in the attic somewhere
And written on the page were the words I needed desperately
To hear from you those years ago and so I wrote
"You. Are. Free."

Day 268: Effit

Never was one for office politics
Regardless of the pressure I refused to follow it
While everyone was kissing ass i was speaking the truth
Whether or not I felt they could swallow it

Day 267: Fate

Fate's got cogs
That it doesn't want to show
It's just a big black box
Without a window
Keeps its secrets safe
A man behind the curtain
Fun house mirrors and rolling smoke
To disguise that he's been hurting
Tortured by his conscious
Because nothing seems the same
All that the years had proven certain
Dissolving yesterday
He said he had a grip
But it's starting to slip
Because a fate isn't certain
Every decision causes a shift
Free will
Free won't
Fate's sealed
Or blown
Cause every step falls just out of line
Cogs turn
But what
Do they connect
Or are they superfluous
We'll never know until the machine says its our time

Day 266: The Walk

I've been knocked off balance
I've been bucked from the horse
But I'll be damned if life succeeds at
Throwing me off of my course
My path has been set
Haven't slept since the start
Now I take every step
Like I'm fumbling in the dark
Cause there ain't so sun
In the hustle of the day
Just the shadows from the building
Blocking out the sun's ray
And the disgusting path I follow
Etched in dirty sidewalk gray
That's been sucking at my soles
Trying to steal my color away
But they can't have it
It's what sets me apart
A gray matter mass wrapped in pink flesh
A walking piece of art
What once a weakness
Is now a source of strength
My longer mentality
Let me break away
From the herd and the words
They recycled every day
Self destructing in their never ending
Fiending for the fame
So I walk these streets
On the journey that I sought
I thought it was about the destination
But it's really about the walk

Day 265: Word Smith

Word Smith
Sharp with the quick wit
Hold tight to the flow
Before you know you gonna get sick
Fill phrases so fast
My metaphors can't fully fit
The space between the walls of your skull
Where I inject it

Day 264: More than Words

These are more than just words
This is my soul
This is my life
This is all I know
So hold them tight to your chest
Don't ever let them go
Hold them tight to your chest
So you can feel your heart's flow

Day 263: American Pride

Yo I be the Yank
Extra petrol in the tank
Burnin rubber after takin
All the Benjis out the bank
Resources been outsourced
I'ma bring 'em back
No defense like a good offense
You know I'm on the attack
Flag hanging out my pocket
To let you know I represent
The Red the white the blue
Got no reason to repent.

Day 262: Jack The RIpper's Silent Prayer

So, four days behind. terrible week. But the nice thing about no one reading your blog is no one can hold you responsible for slipping behind.

Jack The Ripper's Silent Prayer

Help me please
For the love of god
Someone stop me
Before I go to far
I can't control
This murd'rous instinct
I can't seem to kill
The killer in me.....

Day 261: The come down from the laughing high

I laughed until I cried
And as I my dried my tired eyes
I realized
The tears were because I had no joy left inside.

Day 260: Is there a reason

Is there a reason I can't trust
The only person I can control?
Is there a reason that my inner demons
Wage war with angels for my soul?
Is there a reason that I can't seem
To be who I want to be?
Is there a reason that I'm terrified
Of being stuck with me?

Day 259: I love that sound

The sound
I threw a roll of quarters
And the echo was ka-ching
The sound I sought was found
I heard the diamond in the ring
The passion and the power
The source of energy
Was enough to turn my world around
And leave me panting, dizzy.
In the shifting world
The visions spun so swift
But it was pure rapture
To bask in the music.

Day 258: Insomnia

I can't sleep
Day dreams of drowning keep my tossing and turning for weeks
Unending to do lists on little yellow stickies
Smother me under their weight and I can't breathe
I lay gasping

Up all night
Hoping that my brain will stop running around
Allowing my body to reunite with the ground
Hoping that in sleep the peace of death can be found
Until Morning

Day 257: Do What You Do

How do you do it?
What magic do you mix?
Teach me the ways of the
Music alchemist
Show me the patterns
How to read the runes
The loga-rythmic frequencies
That cut right through
Let me sit and watch
And learn all that I can
Let me outwit the fates
Becoming more than they planned
Show me this power
I'll use it for good
I'll wrestle it and meditate
To make sure it's understood
I'll go for sleepless nights
Do all that I can
'Cause lets just face it
Tiesto, You're the man.

Day 256: Art of Trance

Open up
Feel the flow
Let it take
Over your soul
Give into
The madening dance
Swept away
By the art of trance



... it feels real good to get back to my roots

Day 255: Accidental Prophesy

Was it a sign?
Were those words for me?
Or were they afterthoughts of the tongue
Strewn carelessly.
It really doesn't matter
If it was divine or chance
Because it's what I needed to hear
To hope, to dream, to dance.

Day 254: Indwelling

The body is suspended
In an amethyst nebula
Ever rising
Slow and determined
Light escapes
Exiting through eyes and mouth
In laser concentrations
Causing the skin
To emanate an amber hue
The heart is visible
Through the diaphanous chest
Beating beating beating
As the purple mist
Revolves and shifts
With the pumping of the pure light
Through the veins

Day 253: Do I have the courage to give up comfort?

Hey, I know I'm two behind. Had a crazy weekend.



Would I prefer
To work with the earth
Toil with my hands in the dirt?

Could I cut it
Giving up comforts
To find the good life buried under it

Day 252: Letter to my unborn child 2

You're a young adult now
And it's been a pleasure to watch you grow
To watch you develop a sense of right and wrong
A sense of judgment to decide which to choose
And a conscience to keep you honest to yourself
First under our guidance
Then on your own
More beautiful still is seeing who you've become
Human
Flawed but self aware
They say a mark of intelligence is self awareness
An understanding of being-ness
A characteristic innate to all humans
I, however, have observed otherwise
I've seen men and women grow to a ripe old age
And never become aware of what they are
Of what they've become
They continue running with their self inflicted limps
But you
You have seen it
You have found a way to step outside of your self
You have taken the part of the impartial observer
And weighed your self
Weighed your actions against your ideals
And found that you live in the paradox
Of being yourself but not measuring up to yourself
This is half the battle
You are now weak
As most of humanity is
As our culture has proselytized us to be
But you have the potential for incredible strength
You have the potential to surpass yourself
You have the potential
Now you are in need of constant supervision
But with the impartial observer's interception of enough close calls
You will surprise even yourself
I write this to you as much as I write it to myself
Like it or not I am a part of you
And I only hope that I found my way through
And paved a route complete with road signs and way markers
Before I brought you on this journey called life
Pray for me
We both will need it.

Day 251: Scapegoat

I've been through the sad days
The rough days
The I've had more than enough days
The days you wished you'd stayed in bed

I've been through the long days
The hard days
The leave you bruised and scarred days
The days you pray you'll never have again

I've been through the gray days
The slow days
The stagnant lack of flow days
The days that leave you completely hopeless

I've been through the tense days
The strained days
The strung out driven insane days
The days you don't have any of your rope left

I've been through these days
And come out alive
I've written them down
In verse and in rhyme
I've been through the pain
To get to the truth
So that you can find comfort and strength
As you make your own way through

Day 250: Weebles Wobble But They Don't Fall Down

Six times I've fallen
Bent but not broken
Eyes turned to the sky
I'll rise seven times

Day 249: To My Mom and My Sister....

YOU'RE MOST BEAUTIFUL WHEN

You're most beautiful when...

When your smile isn't hidden by layers of lipstick
When your dimples aren't dulled by caked on cover up
When the spark in your eyes isn't imprisoned by fake lashes
When the grays in your hair count the years that you've loved
When you laugh only when you can't hold it back
When you eat what you like without watching your waist
When hurtful words are just someone's opinion
And they roll off your skin like drops of rain

When you haven't had a chance to look in the mirror
Because you've been too busy putting others first
You look most beautiful when secure in your skin
And when you hide it with make up, you look your worst.

Day 248: Sometimes Life Feels Like....

Bring me down again
So I can rise up
Oppress me again
So I can fight back
Lie to me again
So I can find the truth
Leave me again
So I can come back to you

Day 247: Prayer 2

God forgive me
There are so many things I have done
That shame me
There are so many paths I have walked
That misled me
There are so many people I have listened to
That lied to me
There are so many opportunities to stand strong
That escaped me
There are so many thoughts I have had
That controlled me
And none of them good.
Let me do your work
And free me
Let me walk the road you planned
And lead me
Let me listen to your words of truth
And enlighten me
Let me stand when I don't have the strength
And uphold me
Let me meditate on you
And control me
For good.

Day 246: Mole Man

It's a warm sunny day
But I could never tell
Unless I saw it on tv
Cause i'd never have seen it myself
I don't know how long it's been
Since I was last outside
To breathe in atmosphere
To feel the open sky
But my life has brought me here
To toil in societies cellar
Deep deep beneath the earth
A world of pipes and pillars
I dream of leaving here
To return never more
But I can't get the courage
To walk out that front door
It's safe here in this cave
It's all I've ever known
Outside may be my dream destination
But this right here is home.

Day 245: Yup, Still Hate The Television

Give me a moment free
Of that abomination called t.v.
And I'll show you were intelligence grows

I find solace in the silence
Devoid of sex and violence
In this tv free land I call my home

Day 244: Cranky

I'm sorry that I snapped
This hasn't been my day
Or my week or month or year
But that's no excuse for acting this way
I'm almost halfway there
Now that I've seen the mean
The next step is to catch it
Before it's once again free
I'll try a little harder
To fasten down my tongue
But please stick with me a little longer
And I won't let you down.