Heaven is real
Life with a purpose to improve life
A constantly perpetuating cycle
An infinite gain loop
Where life's purpose is not sustaining
But changing
Growing
And giving this gift to others
Hell is real
Life with no purpose
Falling back on basic instincts
A constantly devastating cycle
An infinite decay loop
Breaking order down into disorder
Where life's purpose is not sustaining
But changing
Destroying
And taking as many with you as possible
We are born not into heaven or hell
But the in between
And every action we take in life
Is one step either towards
The one or the other
I'm not afraid to die
I'll just end up where I last stepped
I'm afraid to live
And be required to take another step
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Day 242: OH MY BACK!
OH MY BACK
I THINK IT SNAPPED IN HALF
I'M A LITTLE UNSETTLED
BY THAT BONE POPPING CRACK
THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE
MOST DEFINITELY NO THE FIRST TIME
I'VE TAKEN THREE ALEVE
AND WASHED IT DOWN WITH A GLASS OF WINE
BUT STILL THE ACHE IS THERE
IT ALL SEEMS OUT OF MY HANDS
I'M ONLY 23
WITH THE BACK OF AN 80 YEAR OLD MAN.
I THINK IT SNAPPED IN HALF
I'M A LITTLE UNSETTLED
BY THAT BONE POPPING CRACK
THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE
MOST DEFINITELY NO THE FIRST TIME
I'VE TAKEN THREE ALEVE
AND WASHED IT DOWN WITH A GLASS OF WINE
BUT STILL THE ACHE IS THERE
IT ALL SEEMS OUT OF MY HANDS
I'M ONLY 23
WITH THE BACK OF AN 80 YEAR OLD MAN.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Day 241: Bleeding's Not That Bad
I bleed
But the pain begins to fade
I watch the blood pour from the wound
And yet I'm not afraid
I stare
And refuse to break my gaze
I stand in simple silence
Become my own master in the pain
But the pain begins to fade
I watch the blood pour from the wound
And yet I'm not afraid
I stare
And refuse to break my gaze
I stand in simple silence
Become my own master in the pain
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Day 240: Ride The Rhythm Far Away
I need escape
I'm bound to explode
Stretching to the extent of my skin
Another day
Doing what I'm told
Feeling caged, fenced in
But I'll go home
Put my head phones on and
I'll ride the rhythm far away from here
I'll lay back
With my favorite track and
I'll ride the rhythm far away from here
Cause in the kick and the snare
The world fades away
And the strings sing a lullaby to me
So I'll fill my chest with the bass
And fall away from this place and
I'll ride the rhythm far away from here
My patience is thin
My anger is showing
It flares like a solar wind
I'm slipping again
My emotions are throwing
My head round as the world starts to spin
I'm bound to explode
Stretching to the extent of my skin
Another day
Doing what I'm told
Feeling caged, fenced in
But I'll go home
Put my head phones on and
I'll ride the rhythm far away from here
I'll lay back
With my favorite track and
I'll ride the rhythm far away from here
Cause in the kick and the snare
The world fades away
And the strings sing a lullaby to me
So I'll fill my chest with the bass
And fall away from this place and
I'll ride the rhythm far away from here
My patience is thin
My anger is showing
It flares like a solar wind
I'm slipping again
My emotions are throwing
My head round as the world starts to spin
Day 239: How Happy I am to have my FL studio back
I got it at last
I drilled a hole in my skull
And let the songs escape
Let the words bleed to the page
My subconscious is messy
Unable to speak the language
But trying desperately to communicate
The babble and jargon
Begin to take shape
And compose themselves
In patterns and bars
Notes and scales
Verse and chorus
And then it rests again
I drilled a hole in my skull
And let the songs escape
Let the words bleed to the page
My subconscious is messy
Unable to speak the language
But trying desperately to communicate
The babble and jargon
Begin to take shape
And compose themselves
In patterns and bars
Notes and scales
Verse and chorus
And then it rests again
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Day 237: In a tizzy
My head is spinning
Spinning
Spinning
As my eyes try to track my thoughts
I feel I'm swimming
Swimming
Swimming
Through a sea of fog
My thoughts are slipping
Slipping
Slipping
As I try to catch each one
My words are tripping
Tripping
Tripping
As they stumble from my tongue
Spinning
Spinning
As my eyes try to track my thoughts
I feel I'm swimming
Swimming
Swimming
Through a sea of fog
My thoughts are slipping
Slipping
Slipping
As I try to catch each one
My words are tripping
Tripping
Tripping
As they stumble from my tongue
Day 236: Sometimes I Can't Stand the People I Work With
Why do I give you the power
To control the outcome of my day
I say it's your fault I'm upset but it's not
Yet I believe it anyway
I come undone at your poisonous words
Your acerbic off hand remarks
The arrogant way you undermine me
And attempt to keep me in the dark
I just need to brush you off
Keep my head cool, my skin thick
Cause my day shouldn't be F#%@ed over
By someone who's such a dick
To control the outcome of my day
I say it's your fault I'm upset but it's not
Yet I believe it anyway
I come undone at your poisonous words
Your acerbic off hand remarks
The arrogant way you undermine me
And attempt to keep me in the dark
I just need to brush you off
Keep my head cool, my skin thick
Cause my day shouldn't be F#%@ed over
By someone who's such a dick
Day 235: A Clandestine Meetings
Hey, realize that i'm shy like three days. I'll be making them up, hopefully today. Had a rough time in NY the last two days at LaGuardia airport and had no time to write poetry and stuffs.
I'm sorry about the hour
But I'm running out of time
They're tracking my every move
And soon they're gonna find
My location and my contacts
But I still have some hope
That what I'm about to tell you
Won't just seem like a joke
They've bugged our telephones
Our computers too
They know exactly where and when and
Why and how we do
And you're my last hope
You have to see me through
Oh no! that empty look in your eyes.
They already got to you....
I'm sorry about the hour
But I'm running out of time
They're tracking my every move
And soon they're gonna find
My location and my contacts
But I still have some hope
That what I'm about to tell you
Won't just seem like a joke
They've bugged our telephones
Our computers too
They know exactly where and when and
Why and how we do
And you're my last hope
You have to see me through
Oh no! that empty look in your eyes.
They already got to you....
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Day 234: Computer Problems
Ones and zeros
As simple as it may be
Is driving me absolutely crazy
Flawless logic
But the understanding takes patience
It get's so convoluted during the application
I can't understand
I'm trying to control this machine
But it seems the machine is really controlling me
As simple as it may be
Is driving me absolutely crazy
Flawless logic
But the understanding takes patience
It get's so convoluted during the application
I can't understand
I'm trying to control this machine
But it seems the machine is really controlling me
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Day 233: Determination
Drops of liquid metal
Courses through the veins
Steeling shaky nerves
Sharpening the brain
Pupils dilate
Pulse rate starts to peak
Breath is drawn in like the tide
Then exhaled steadily
Gaze remains unbroken
Jaw muscles stay clenched
Heels dug deep into the earth
Leave the warrior entrenched
No thoughts of retreat
The only option is to win
Walk away with head held high
Or carried in a coffin
Courses through the veins
Steeling shaky nerves
Sharpening the brain
Pupils dilate
Pulse rate starts to peak
Breath is drawn in like the tide
Then exhaled steadily
Gaze remains unbroken
Jaw muscles stay clenched
Heels dug deep into the earth
Leave the warrior entrenched
No thoughts of retreat
The only option is to win
Walk away with head held high
Or carried in a coffin
Friday, June 18, 2010
Day 232: Obsessed
Rabid as a pit bull
Foaming at the mouth
Hot headed as a fever
In the summer in the south
Focused as a laser
Driven through a lens
Concentrated like a liquor
Distilled again and again
Nothing's going to stop me
Until I reach the end
Foaming at the mouth
Hot headed as a fever
In the summer in the south
Focused as a laser
Driven through a lens
Concentrated like a liquor
Distilled again and again
Nothing's going to stop me
Until I reach the end
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Day 231: A Prayer for Courage
Lord I come before you now
As I have many a time
Asking for you to grant me courage
To straighten out this spine
To stand beneath the crushing weight
Of the world upon my back
Lord leave me no retreat
As the enemy attacks
Lord give me legs as strong as iron
To stand firmly in place
Give me the strength to change what I can
And for what I can't, give me grace
As I have many a time
Asking for you to grant me courage
To straighten out this spine
To stand beneath the crushing weight
Of the world upon my back
Lord leave me no retreat
As the enemy attacks
Lord give me legs as strong as iron
To stand firmly in place
Give me the strength to change what I can
And for what I can't, give me grace
Day 230: Living in the Tension
Living in the tension
Neither angel nor animal
A soul with physical needs
Instincts with control
Caught up in the middle
Of all of God's creation
And made this way on purpose
For a purpose
Neither angel nor animal
A soul with physical needs
Instincts with control
Caught up in the middle
Of all of God's creation
And made this way on purpose
For a purpose
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Day 229: You're Gone
I've sat on cold winter days
And cried my tear ducts dry
Frozen in my place
As my tears had turned to ice
And I've tossed within my sleep
As dreams of you played on
And I've lost my sense of self
As I listened to our song
And You're Gone
But on snowy days
I see your face
As the snow flakes fall
And the muffled screams
Of my nightmares
Don't seem so close at all
BUt you're gone
And all I want to do
Is give up all of me
Just to be with you
And cried my tear ducts dry
Frozen in my place
As my tears had turned to ice
And I've tossed within my sleep
As dreams of you played on
And I've lost my sense of self
As I listened to our song
And You're Gone
But on snowy days
I see your face
As the snow flakes fall
And the muffled screams
Of my nightmares
Don't seem so close at all
BUt you're gone
And all I want to do
Is give up all of me
Just to be with you
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Day 228: Constant Apology
I'm gonna open up to you
Tell you what I'm going through
A crisis of faith, and of self worth
Unsure of what I'm supposed to do
Twenty three years and a couple odd days
I've been lost and wandering
And only six of these have been spent
Aware of this and pondering
Repeatedly I'm seeing me
Do the things I don't want to be
But undoubtedly I cowardly
Shrink from standing steadfastly
I'm a victim of my fears
And a victim of my vices
I'm cringing at each passing
Tick as the second hand advances
Hoping I can hide away
As judgment day draws near
Knowing that I'm not the man
I was commanded to be here
Like the vineyard worker
That hid his masters cash
My masters coming back
And I'd bet it all he'll whoop my ass
I gotta make a stand
But you know that I'm afraid to
My back bone left me long ago
And I can't rise above the pavement
So I'm telling him ahead of time
I've failed him miserably
And I'm hoping that he builds me back
To the man I'm meant to be
I've done this all before
And I'll do it all again
Because I'm a constant apology
A sorry excuse for man.
Tell you what I'm going through
A crisis of faith, and of self worth
Unsure of what I'm supposed to do
Twenty three years and a couple odd days
I've been lost and wandering
And only six of these have been spent
Aware of this and pondering
Repeatedly I'm seeing me
Do the things I don't want to be
But undoubtedly I cowardly
Shrink from standing steadfastly
I'm a victim of my fears
And a victim of my vices
I'm cringing at each passing
Tick as the second hand advances
Hoping I can hide away
As judgment day draws near
Knowing that I'm not the man
I was commanded to be here
Like the vineyard worker
That hid his masters cash
My masters coming back
And I'd bet it all he'll whoop my ass
I gotta make a stand
But you know that I'm afraid to
My back bone left me long ago
And I can't rise above the pavement
So I'm telling him ahead of time
I've failed him miserably
And I'm hoping that he builds me back
To the man I'm meant to be
I've done this all before
And I'll do it all again
Because I'm a constant apology
A sorry excuse for man.
Day 227: SLINKY!
I drift one way
Then immediately return
I shiver like jello
And wiggle like a worm
I come in many sizes
From enormous down to dinky
I'm family fun for everyone
The on and only slinky
Then immediately return
I shiver like jello
And wiggle like a worm
I come in many sizes
From enormous down to dinky
I'm family fun for everyone
The on and only slinky
Day 226: Did I Lose it
Did I lose it?
Or just let it be?
Is it who I was?
Or who I was to be?
Is there any way
I can feel incomplete?
From the lack of the life
That never belonged to me?
Or just let it be?
Is it who I was?
Or who I was to be?
Is there any way
I can feel incomplete?
From the lack of the life
That never belonged to me?
Friday, June 11, 2010
Day 225: Lost Again
I stopped my wandering mind
To see what I left behind
Just empty foot prints in the snow
In a long unbroken line
Empty thoughts along the way
No focus or direction
A way ward walk through snow draped woods
Losing my self in reflection
To see what I left behind
Just empty foot prints in the snow
In a long unbroken line
Empty thoughts along the way
No focus or direction
A way ward walk through snow draped woods
Losing my self in reflection
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Day 224: Traeme Paz
Traeme Paz
When the pressures pile up
Like shingles on a roof
And the very weight of what must be done
Breaks the back of the one to do
And the thinking ahead
Designed to prepare
Leads to failure
As well as despair
Let me shuck
Each shingled weight
Lighten my load
Until I break
Right on through
Until i sleep
Under open air
Midnight breeze
When I leave my protective shell
Of lists and plans and to-dos
Let the dark clouds send me rain
Bring me peace, wash me through
When the pressures pile up
Like shingles on a roof
And the very weight of what must be done
Breaks the back of the one to do
And the thinking ahead
Designed to prepare
Leads to failure
As well as despair
Let me shuck
Each shingled weight
Lighten my load
Until I break
Right on through
Until i sleep
Under open air
Midnight breeze
When I leave my protective shell
Of lists and plans and to-dos
Let the dark clouds send me rain
Bring me peace, wash me through
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Day 223: Can You Help Me?
Can you help me?
Create the clasp to finally to close this?
Unblurr my edges to regain focus?
Pull back the curtains so I can show this?
Warm me up to de thaw my frozen
Heart?
Can you keep me?
Crisp like a leaf from an autumn tree?
Fluid like the rolling waves of the sea?
Unable to lie, too filled with honesty?
True to myself, to who I want to be?
Can you?
Create the clasp to finally to close this?
Unblurr my edges to regain focus?
Pull back the curtains so I can show this?
Warm me up to de thaw my frozen
Heart?
Can you keep me?
Crisp like a leaf from an autumn tree?
Fluid like the rolling waves of the sea?
Unable to lie, too filled with honesty?
True to myself, to who I want to be?
Can you?
Monday, June 7, 2010
Day 222: My Prayer
I'm reaching out
But I'm so damn weak
I'm screaming in a whisper
For you to hear me
I'm chasing after you
But I'm paralyzed right here
I'm calling out for help
With this, my prayer
But I'm so damn weak
I'm screaming in a whisper
For you to hear me
I'm chasing after you
But I'm paralyzed right here
I'm calling out for help
With this, my prayer
Day 221: Removing Romance
Removing Romance
What is the mind
But a mass of gray
What is the night
But the absence of day
What is the heart
But a pumping time piece
What is love
But a hormone release
What is the mind
But a mass of gray
What is the night
But the absence of day
What is the heart
But a pumping time piece
What is love
But a hormone release
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Day 219: Slot Machines
Sorry, I realize I'm late once again, but my wife's parents and aunts were up for the weekend and wanted desperately to go to a casino last night.....
Blinking lights
Blaring sounds
Hallways that twist
Endlessly around
And I hate it all
Slot machines
Ancient folks
Pushing buttons
No controls
And I hate it all
Win a bit
Lose a lot
Suck you in
Takes all you got
And I hate it all
Blinking lights
Blaring sounds
Hallways that twist
Endlessly around
And I hate it all
Slot machines
Ancient folks
Pushing buttons
No controls
And I hate it all
Win a bit
Lose a lot
Suck you in
Takes all you got
And I hate it all
Friday, June 4, 2010
Day 218:
They say I'm completely crazy
But they're only half right
My thoughts are so dark
I need a flash light
Murky as a glass of milk
In the pitch of night
I swim through thoughts that swirl about
And don't seem like they're mine
Voices float in vapor form
Commanding me to perform
While others shout to stop it now
Demanding I conform
Which ones do I listen to
How do I discern my own
I'll have to go with my gut
Knowing I can never know
But they're only half right
My thoughts are so dark
I need a flash light
Murky as a glass of milk
In the pitch of night
I swim through thoughts that swirl about
And don't seem like they're mine
Voices float in vapor form
Commanding me to perform
While others shout to stop it now
Demanding I conform
Which ones do I listen to
How do I discern my own
I'll have to go with my gut
Knowing I can never know
Day 217: Night after Night
Warning: slightly adult content. Tasteful, not over graphic.
Night after Night
I drag my fingers across your skin
To learn the language of your curves
I wait impatiently, let me in
Before I lose my nerves
Let me fill you all the way
And then a little more
I'll work you 'till the break of day
And leave your body sore
Aching for another chance
To feel my touch again
That I may relearn all your curves
And drag my fingers across your skin
Night after Night
I drag my fingers across your skin
To learn the language of your curves
I wait impatiently, let me in
Before I lose my nerves
Let me fill you all the way
And then a little more
I'll work you 'till the break of day
And leave your body sore
Aching for another chance
To feel my touch again
That I may relearn all your curves
And drag my fingers across your skin
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Day 216: Touch of Darkness
There's a little touch of darkness
I feel incomplete without
Staring our the window
Of my apartment looking down
Watching the rain falling
It's cathartic how it drowns
The bubbly fake people creates
And keeps me fastened to the ground.
I feel incomplete without
Staring our the window
Of my apartment looking down
Watching the rain falling
It's cathartic how it drowns
The bubbly fake people creates
And keeps me fastened to the ground.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Day 215: Indigo
A melancholy hue
Somewhere between violet and blue
Some call it indigo
I call it my life without you
......and I'm finally caught up.
Somewhere between violet and blue
Some call it indigo
I call it my life without you
......and I'm finally caught up.
Day 214: Please Snow Again
Please snow again
Let the feathery flakes
Muffle the unbearable din
Of life lumbering on and on and on
Please snow again
Cover the landscape in a blanket
Tucking the world in
Letting it find peace in it's sleep
Please snow again
Let me see my breath and know
That I am really living
And I stand out in the middle of the snow
Let the feathery flakes
Muffle the unbearable din
Of life lumbering on and on and on
Please snow again
Cover the landscape in a blanket
Tucking the world in
Letting it find peace in it's sleep
Please snow again
Let me see my breath and know
That I am really living
And I stand out in the middle of the snow
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