Day 364: I pray

I look outside
My apartment window
And all I see
Are broken hearts and dreams
I see a world
Far far from where it should be
And I pray
I Say I pray
I pray

I pray for my people
The lost and the broken
For my neighborhood
And those without a home
I pray for the rescue
Of the broken families
And I pray
I pray
For redemption

I pray one day
We will all awake
Open our eyes and see
That when we fight
And steal and cheat
We hurt ourselves
And can't find peace

And it's been weeks and weeks
Of unanswered prayer
And I can't take any more
I swear
My hope and patience
Are starting to wear thin
But I drop to my knees one more time
I lift my hands to the sky and cry
"Won't you rescue your children"
And then

Silence

Day 363: Numb

I'm all alone
I'm all alone because I choose to be
I'm all alone
And now I can't feel pain
I can't feel anything

Day 362: Winternal Peace

I like it when it snows
I like to watch the sleeping world
Before the spring makes it grow
I like to fade into the mist
When I exhale against the window


I like to see the world stripped
Down to tendons and bones
An intimate existence
Where I can feel alone
And peaceful to my core
To see my thoughts for what they are
Nothing less
Nothing more.

Day 361: My darkest friend

You don't need to know my name
You just need to know my face
To memorize the subtle changes
When the transformation is taking place
Watch the eyes glaze over
Watch the jaw line tense
Notice the weight is shifted forward
Notice the sudden quietness
This is when it's dangerous
This is when you run
This is where I lose control
And cannot stop what I become
This is where I lose my fear
This is where I lose retraint
This is the release of built up steam
Created from burying my deepest pain
I've tried avoiding triggers
I've tried to kill this beast
But I can't control him, can't predict
When next he takes over me
A splintering of my psyche
Lets him off the leash
I tried so hard to lock him up
But he keeps coming after me
I was so afraid of becoming him
And losing my civility
But my fear just makes him more aggressive
In his chasing after me
But now I've talked to him
And realized I need his help
I've let the darkness in
In order to save myself

Day 360: a dream

A cyclone of thoughts keep me awake
Listening to the breathing of a dream lying next to me
"let me in" I whisper
I need to find myself lost in you.

Day 359: problem management

More on my mind than I know what to do with
Drink till it's lost in the haze and confusion
Blink and the weight feels like an illusion
Repeat until the problems hurt less than the solution.

Day 358: The Darkness

I've seen the darkness within
And after years of trying to fight it
I fear I can no longer say
That I don't like what hides inside it

Day 357: put down

A dog would be put down
If it did the same thing that I did
I envy that dog because unlike me
He doesn't have to carry the guilt with him